Interpersonal conflicts are almost
inevitable in various contexts. Because people make mistakes and different
person holds different opinions and stands. We may run into conflicts not only with
people we do not know very well but also with people we love - friends or
family members. The most recent conflict I have had is with one of my friends
during the Chinese New Year.
As most overseas Chinese students do during
Chinese New Year, I gather together with a bunch of friends. Eating, drinking and
playing games to celebrate Chinese New Year. To us, this is much more than a party.
Because in China Chinese New Year is a time for people to go home and be
company to family members and relatives after a long-year’s work not matter
well done or otherwise. For many people this is the only chance in a year to
cultivate their family ties which are essential in Chinese culture. When my
friends and I celebrate Chinese New Year together, we see each other more than just
a friend but as a substitute of our respective family members who are thousands
of miles away.
The conflict occurred when I was playing a
role-playing game with my friends during the Chinese New Year gathering. Each of
us was assigned a role and the whole group was divided into a few parties. Only
one party could win the game by defeating the rest. The game was supposed to be
for fun but after a while me and another friend of mine (let’s call him John)
got too involved in the game and we became very serious. John was in party A
and I was in party B. Each of us was trying to ally with another friend (let’s
call him Simon) who was in party C. Whoever lost the alliance was most likely
to lose the game. John was trying to convince Simon that allying with him could
bring Simon the most benefit. And I was trying to do the same for myself too. As
the “campaign” went on, conversations turned into arguments. I and John started
pointing fingers to each other and trying to show that the other’s viewpoint
was completely biased and wrong. Then, both of us felt offended and annoyed by
the other. The more annoying and offended we felt, the worsen language we used.
The worsen language used, the more annoying and offended we felt. The cycle went
on and situation was really bad.
I think the cause of the conflict was that both
of us were too involved in the game and we didn’t have the empathy to understand
the rightness of the other’s desire to win. We only thought about our own eager
to win and ignored the other’s feeling.
To some extent, John and I were in a family.
Still we had this conflict. I think empathy is very important in avoiding this
kind of conflict. But while in this conflict, what are the effective
communication skills needed to resolve the awkward and intense situation and subsequently
fix the friendship?
